Don’t just breathe, please

I find myself trying to convince those around me that enjoying and making each day matter in a positive way rather than mere breathing is the way to go.  My dad, for one, is an individual who gave up some 20 years ago.  A lifetime.  And there’s, apparently, nothing I can do or say to bring him out of the breathing mode he decided to be in. Though, looking back, I’m not sure he’s ever really enjoyed life.  Unlike his dad.

I believe enthusiasm is a choice; therefore, I wonder why he chose to be a version of his mom instead of that amazing human being his dad was.  He just sits there, rusting away in silence and a never-ending bad mood waiting for… nothing! … while life goes on around him.

I so wish I had the power to make him get out of that couch to have him share his soul -and take pleasure in it- without implying he might as well be dead.

It saddens me.

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10 thoughts on “Don’t just breathe, please

  1. Sandra says:

    Hi Lia, thanks for your comment on my blog. Am very touched by your post, wanting to help your Dad. Have been searching for a story I read recently, can’t find now, about a social worker/clinical type working in a facility with a group, maybe soldiers from a recent war zone who are unresponsive, had been given up as lost causes. She refused to accept that.
    So, she gathered them all together around a table and just started talking to them, having a conversation, “as if” they would participate. Of course nothing happened. Same thing the second day, and the third. Took a few weeks I think, but finally one of them contradicted something she said! Well, if was off and running after that.
    I think our “assumptions” about each other play a big part, what’s possible, what’s not. I suspect your Dad and many others is lost behind a dark cloud and doesn’t know how to get out. He would if he could, just needs a trigger, a rope to grab hold of. Sometimes it’s better if we’re not trying to “change” people so much as treat them as if they’re OK, we love them, we’re not letting go.
    Don’t know your spiritual/religious beliefs, but Divine Love has an answer, not human affection or effort.
    Thanks for sharing your soul.

    Liked by 1 person

    • liapettersen says:

      Thank you so much for such deep thoughts. Trust me, we’ve tried everything and you are completely right that we shouldn’t try to change anyone. Your words on “(he) is lost behind a dark cloud and doesn’t know how to get out” went very deep and made me think more about the situation and how it describes exactly how I see him, though hadn’t been able to put it into words. THANK YOU!!! You made me see things under a different light.

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      • Sandra says:

        Oh, thanks for that feedback Lia, glad it helped. Just lots of hugs, loving. We none of us get enuf. Take him out to play. Poor man may be sitting there terrified, feeling he failed at life, let everyone down, can’t fix it. Who knows. But love and more love is never wasted, esp. on the lover!

        Like

      • Sandra says:

        Just one more thing comes to me, we each of us, including me need to get better at looking past the physical image in front of us, past the five senses, into the pure heart living in all of us, me to you, you to me, everyone. The more we can do that, the less of this pain we’ll have. Not saying it’s easy, we just need to cultivate it.

        Much love!

        Liked by 1 person

  2. sandiyee160 says:

    Hi, have you considered talking to a doctor about your dad’s lack of enthusiasm? It might be more than a “never-ending bad mood”. Nothing to lose to find out, and a Dad to gain if there is something medical can be done. Good Luck.

    Sandi (at Managing Depression)

    http://sandiyee.wordpress.com/

    ps. I stumbled onto your blog because of your picture with your dog 🙂

    Like

    • liapettersen says:

      Oh, that’s my sweet Becca who should’ve been born as a hummingbird instead of a Golden Retriever due to her amazing energetic self. LOL

      About my dad, he’s sort of addicted to doctors and his depression has everything to do with growing old and having retired a while back. We’ve tried every single thing we can think of but nothing seems to get him out of that breathing state he’s in. Maybe the next doctor is the key.

      Thank you so much for stopping by and for your kind words.

      Like

  3. Hi liapettersen, what a powerful message in a short post. I am a pastor and I spend a lot of time counseling people. The most challenging people I counsel are those who refuse to change the way they think and by doing so change the way they live. I am still looking for the key to unlocking those individuals. I am not sure it is within our power or “job description” as fellow human beings. Ultimately, if they don’t wanna change, there is not much you can do to change them…

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  4. I’m so glad you have chosen enthusiasm. I have spent a great deal of time in my adult life trying to ensure that I am not like a parent who views everything in a negative, defeatist manner. You touched me with this post as it saddens me as well.

    Like

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