I’ve been listening to a song in my head for weeks now. To be more specific, the chorus part from Beds are burning by Midnight Oil.
The time has come,
to say fair’s fair,
to pay the rent,
to pay our share
The time has come,
a fact’s a fact,
it belongs to them,
let’s give it back
How can we dance when our earth is turnin’?
How do we sleep while the beds are burnin’?
It falls right into place in my life right now that the cancer’s back and, regardless of what I do, I can’t get the song out of my head! I’ve listened to it, listened to others, sung others and nothing… it’s there… embedded in my brain day and night so I’m guessing it’s there for a reason. My creator is putting it there for me to understand something… and I think I have.
So yes, my time has come and I’ve to put my affairs in order, whatever that means, because after having been free from cancer for 3 years I’ve been diagnosed with colon cancer that has metastasized to lymph nodes and liver and they could not take all the tumor out even with a colostomy. And that’s a clear death sentence … and a quick one.
The thing is, I’m ready. My body might be dying, but I’m not. My spirit is intact and happy to go back home. Some people -most people- don’t understand it. They do not understand when I share what I believe in for as much as I explain, so I do not seem to get the message across: That I will not die. My body will, but I will not!
So when I listen to that song in my head, especially the questions part, I answer them all with “easy, with a smile on our faces for whatever comes our way.”
My earth might be turning and my bed might be burning, but they’re not even mine! My body does not belong to me, it’s just a means of transportation for my spirit to go about and when it fails… my belief is that I will just jump into a new one if my creator allows me to.
And I believe that from my core.
Just like a car! I drive my car and that does not mean that the car is me so when it breaks down and I get another one so, to me, it’s the exact same thing. I drive this body around, but it is not me at all! If a car can be fixed, we take it to the shop just like we go to the doctor when our bodies have an issue and there’s a remedy for it. However, in my case, my body cannot be fixed as the issue is way past any help.
One of my sisters gets it and is ready for my departure. My other sister and brothers… well, not so much. They think I’m sort of crazy for preparing my funeral, deciding who gets what and giving away my stuff while I’m still around and my head’s in it’s place. You see, I’m a planner and I could not leave this planet without getting everything ready.
So many people are praying for a miracle -and it might just happen ‘cuz one never knows- and I’ve felt them showing me how much they care about me; even from those I never thought would care if I died or not. And that feels good. I feel loved. And it seems I’ve left something in some hearts… which is, in the end, why we’re on this planet for, I guess.
One of the things in my bucket list is being able to say good-bye to those that I’ve shared space with on this planet. So I’ve been calling them and asking to see them to be able to do so. However, some of them don’t take it so well and I see the sadness the news brings when all I meant for them is to be happy for me and happy that we got to see each other again and say good-bye.
I love the fact that in some cultures around the world death is a celebration of a new beginning, a new life so I say it again… I’m going home! It’s time to give myself back to my creator… to the god or gods that made all this possible and who allowed me to have a wonderful life full of surprises. Good ones and bad ones, but all of them filled with lessons I had to learn to be able to grow spiritually. And once I get there, to either Valhalla, Heaven, Nirvana or whatever, I’ll ask to come back because I’ve had a blast! I enjoyed the learning part and I feel that there’s a lot more for me in store still. Lots of more surprises for me to enjoy or be sad or angry. That’s life!
So how can I get this message through? I so wish I had a magic wand to be able to let others see what I see, feel how I feel and then be happy for me. I know I am because I know where I’m going and I’m at peace.