My two week notice… and the end

My two week notice… and the end I guess some external issues do make a difference in our health.  Mine plummeted from one minute to the next.  I was “fine”… and then I wasn’t.  It’s like I’m on a slalom trying to avoid poles and gates but going so fast that I cannot help but crash!

All of the end of life symptoms presented themselves at the same time one night last week.  Pain that will not go away, fatigue that makes me want to stay in bed all day -which makes me wish those two weeks were over sooner- nausea and a metallic taste that will not let me eat (not even my favorite meals and/or snacks), headaches, vertigo, lack of concentration, etc.  It’s the whole enchilada!

So I started thinking and wondering if something had happened for my psyche to have given up and allowed the cancer to take over in no time… being such a strong person and a positive one.  Was there something that no longer made me feel at ease on this planet?  My boss, who’s also a dear friend, commented on one (of the two “problems” I can think of) when I gave him my two week notice. Continue reading

…but you look great!

I get that all the time! And there wouldn’t be anything odd or wrong with it if it weren’t for the fact that it is now driving me crazy.  Yup! Never thought I’d say this for such a nice comment! But it does… It does now.

Let me start by saying that prior to the colostomy and cancer diagnosis I weighed only 105 pounds because I had lost 30 in less than 6 months.  You see, I was afraid to eat as pretty much nothing would come out –except for blood- and had already ended up in the hospital with a bowel obstruction; so it scared the hell out of me just thinking about food; therefore, I started drinking protein shakes which did not help much and I ended up with kidney stones and a punctured bladder!  Don’t ask me why… yes, the doctors explained but, in the end, who cares!?  I made it worse and was literally starving myself to death.

I swear I had never felt so much pain and for such a long time.  I know I looked like death was nearing because most everyone got that “oh, my gosh” look on their faces when they saw me; especially if they hadn’t seen me for a while.

But things got better after surgery and I began feeling better for the first time in months… though they felt like forever. Continue reading

Choice, talent or gift?

The company I work for is undergoing some huge changes and some of the team members I work with are having a hard time accepting that they’ll soon be either joining another team… or unemployed; therefore, some of them decided that their job was no longer important thus overall performance plummeted from the moment the rumor started… let alone when the rumor was no longer one.

So I began sending emails to all of them hoping to be able to lift up their spirits as well as to remind them that they were still being paid for a job well done.  But they didn’t seem to get it and remained depressed or whatever it is you call someone who just gives a shit. Continue reading

Lesson learned!

After the whole breast cancer diagnosis, I gradually understood that I didn’t need to teach /prove /demonstrate anything to anyone. Understanding and/or learning it myself had to be enough.  And it has.

This was a tough one, but the lesson learned with this glitch we call cancer is that this body is just the transportation that allows me to vibrate in a universe of energy, otherwise I wouldn’t be able to interact because… I’d be invisible.  Yes, the body I inhabit was diagnosed with breast cancer, but I wasn’t!  My spirit didn’t have cancer. I’m energy so I will never be sick, nor die. Continue reading