…but you look great!

I get that all the time! And there wouldn’t be anything odd or wrong with it if it weren’t for the fact that it is now driving me crazy.  Yup! Never thought I’d say this for such a nice comment! But it does… It does now.

Let me start by saying that prior to the colostomy and cancer diagnosis I weighed only 105 pounds because I had lost 30 in less than 6 months.  You see, I was afraid to eat as pretty much nothing would come out –except for blood- and had already ended up in the hospital with a bowel obstruction; so it scared the hell out of me just thinking about food; therefore, I started drinking protein shakes which did not help much and I ended up with kidney stones and a punctured bladder!  Don’t ask me why… yes, the doctors explained but, in the end, who cares!?  I made it worse and was literally starving myself to death.

I swear I had never felt so much pain and for such a long time.  I know I looked like death was nearing because most everyone got that “oh, my gosh” look on their faces when they saw me; especially if they hadn’t seen me for a while.

But things got better after surgery and I began feeling better for the first time in months… though they felt like forever. Continue reading

Choice, talent or gift?

The company I work for is undergoing some huge changes and some of the team members I work with are having a hard time accepting that they’ll soon be either joining another team… or unemployed; therefore, some of them decided that their job was no longer important thus overall performance plummeted from the moment the rumor started… let alone when the rumor was no longer one.

So I began sending emails to all of them hoping to be able to lift up their spirits as well as to remind them that they were still being paid for a job well done.  But they didn’t seem to get it and remained depressed or whatever it is you call someone who just gives a shit. Continue reading

Is having cancer relevant in our daily lives?

No, it’s not relevant nor should it be! To me, it’s just a glitch, as simple as that. And while some are finding it difficult to understand me and my happy-go-lucky attitude in dealing with this whole cancer issue -because they don’t really know me, I’m going completely bananas trying to understand them and whatever it is they expect me to do or be. Like the every day question:

– How are you?, someone asks
– I’m great and you?, I happily respond

That response alone annoys some I come across with and I don’t understand why. It’s as if they were expecting me to feel bad about my life or look the part of a dying person and since I don’t go for either they get this look on their faces that seems to say “it can’t be so”. Continue reading

You have cancer – So what?

“You have cancer” are powerful words that are nearly impossible to forget even when it’s all over.  Though that’s exactly what I said when I found out: So WHAT?

It was December 6, 2013 when I had the last chemo and this body is feeling great again. But the thought of it is right there in the back of my mind and it doesn’t matter how many times I tell myself it’s gone, there’s this voice inside that says “well, maybe”. So, for the time being, I will continue to live life as I have for years: happy and grateful to be here and making each day worth it by sharing my spirit and learning from others.

The very first thing I told everyone I came across with, including the doctor, was: “please, don’t call it mine. It’s not my lump nor my cancer nor my chemo. I didn’t buy any of it nor asked for it so none of it is mine”. Continue reading